Too Much of a Good Trait is a Bad Trait
You can call me nosey. Or you can call me curious. You could say I like gossip. Or you could say I like biographies. It’s all just a matter of degree.
For many years, I was a member of a woman’s circle. It was in this circle that I made my first breakthrough with my phobia of public speaking, done in the safety of supportive women. We were usually a circle of a dozen or more, and we used a “talking stick” format, which comes from a Native American tradition. After a brief meditation, we would go around the circle passing the stick. Whoever was holding it, spoke. No one interrupted. There was no advice given. It was not the time for mindless chatter; the challenge was to speak authentically while being witnessed, and to use your time of sharing wisely as an offering to the group.
It was in this circle that I first learned about the asset/liability phenomena, which from my understanding means that ones greatest asset is usually also their worse liability when overdone. For instance, my curiosity is a positive trait that keeps me interested in learning more about life and other people, but it can also be my downfall if I take it too far.
Another example of the asset liability flip in my life can be seen via our recent truck camper purchase. I was happy with the camper – dubbed “The Star Trek Enterprise” by my husband and me because the inside reminded us of the Enterprise deck – but would I really feel comfortable taking off on my own with it? Our plan all along has been for me to travel freely on my own as often as we will travel together. But it takes a rig bigger than I would normally drive to haul the Enterprise around. Remember my husband’s big loud smelly diesel white truck that I was dissing a few weeks back? Between it and the size of the camper the whole thing is more than I really want to handle.
Because of my tendency to adapt, to make do with what is in front of me, I convinced myself I would get used to driving the truck and camper, conveniently ignoring the fact that I never drove the van we once owned because it was too big. In reality, our camping rig is like a big horse, and I’m more of a pony person.
Enter the Palomino…our new pop-up truck camper. We sold the Star Trek Enterprise and bought a new smaller camper, and I’m thrilled. It’s about as non-intrusive to haul as the cab of a truck, and like the shell on a turtle’s back, it offers me the freedom to be home wherever I go.
Next up…downsizing the big diesel truck…and then off to Massachusetts to visit my family for the better part of July. If everything works out right, the Palomino and I will be spending some quality time living in state parks this summer.
The moral of this story: My husband and I could have saved ourselves a lot of hassle if I wasn’t so willing to be adaptable. Adaptability is a good trait…until it keeps you from realizing what you really want or need.
June 20th, 2005 9:46 am
I really enjoyed this post. Because this is my life….being easy going and adapting. I am starting to get to the point now and letting my real needs known. It makes perfect sense. Thanks for reinforcing. xox
June 20th, 2005 10:37 am
Hi Col,
And we can’t wait for you and your pony to come galloping home either!
Good thoughts on adapting for as we know, the species that adapts will be the ones who survive.
A synonym for adapt is “accommodate” or “allow for” which is an asset but it could as easily become a liability if, as your example of the talking stick demonstrates, it were taken too far one way or the other.
June 20th, 2005 1:16 pm
You have just decribed the story of my life. It’s not always easy to know where to draw the line.
As I get to know you better from your writing, I’m becoming increasingly convinced that you are not an INTJ and are an INFJ instead.
Also, I finally posted the 5 things I miss about my childhood meme, sorry it took so long.
June 20th, 2005 1:45 pm
well, truth be told we ended up with that big oversized thing cuz of my impatience with the search for the size we knew we wanted/needed all along. you supported my choice in the way you always do… as our vows say “i want for you what you want for yourself”. so you let me follow my draw towards diesel & big and at least we got the enjoyment of the Starship for our wonderful fla vacation. Now if i can just get that big truck mistake sold and behind us we’ll settle into what we knew we wanted all along and you’ll be free as a pony asap. i want for you what YOU want and deserve. happy trails hop-a-along. xoxo
June 20th, 2005 2:45 pm
Thanks for your sweet words, Joe. And Lora, I’m coming over now to see your 5 things. I may very well be INFJ or even INFP because on the last two it was only by one point I was determined to be TJ. The first two there was no question. (Meyers Brigs Personality type for those who are scratching their heads.)
June 20th, 2005 3:16 pm
From what I know of INFP’s I don’t know, more likely an INTP or as I typed earlier an INFJ.
Thanks for your generous words about the writting in my last couple posts. You’re giving me a nice confidence boast.
June 21st, 2005 1:09 am
So that’s what you call it, asset/liability! Knowledge is power, my friend! ; ) I have many asset/liabilities.
June 21st, 2005 8:55 am
Colleen, I am so there with you on the adaptability thing. Sometimes I accomodate other people and situations to the point where my own needs get neglected. My boss told me in my job performance review, “you’re just too darn nice,” and I think he’s right about that to a degree. I too have been working on ways I can be more assertive about what I need/want, and I have made a lot of progress but it has been challenging, to say the least. Good post!
June 22nd, 2005 6:08 am
Excellent post on a topic that clearly hits home to many people. Blogging is yet another fine example for me in that I worry so much about catching up on others’ blogs that I neglect my own for way too long in between! It’s a win-lose situation. We welcome more readers with open arms, yet the more we acquire, the more time we need to enjoy all their wonderful writings as well ~ leading to the very downfall of our own stuff. 🙁 Woe is us.
(it may take me some time in between, but I’ll always stop back here to see what you’ve got to say … you’re a wise woman)