I’d Rather Be Dancing
A couple of months ago, I drove my husband, Joe, to Abington, Virginia, where he was presenting a workshop on Mindfulness. I drove, so that he would be free to prepare his presentation and then have time to rest before giving it. Now it was his turn to drive me – to the Franklin County Book Festival where I was scheduled to talk about my book, “The Jim and Dan Stories.”
Remember when you did this for me?” he asked, as we drove past a field of hay bales on the Blue Ridge Parkway. “Now it’s my turn to do the same for you.”
“But I’d rather be driving,” I answered, and we both laughed because we know how much I dislike driving, and that I dislike public speaking even more.
You see, I’m high strung. You see, I have a gene that makes me not handle stress well. My eyeglasses are always dirty, I have garden dirt perpetually under my fingernails, and I need a haircut. I’d rather be photographing butterflies in my yard, or visiting my blog friends, Deana, Terri, and others. Heck, I’d rather be cleaning my house than descending down the mountain on a steep and windy road named “Shooting Creek” while looking down at how far we could fall if Joe made the slightest wrong move with the steering wheel.
The talk I was set to give (and another one next week!) was put in motion last year, when, apparently, I was feeling more self-confident and motivated. Agreeing to do public speaking is a little like death to me. When I sign myself up, a part of me doesn’t believe that the day will come when I actually have to do it.
We arrived early at the Franklin County Library, where the book festival was being held. The plan was to attend some of the other scheduled events before I was “on,” but everyone was over at the Rocky Mount United Methodist Church listening to keynote speaker, Professor “Bud” Robertson, Director of the Virginia Center for Civil War Studies, talk about “Robert E. Lee.”
After unloading some books and setting up in the room that had a table with my name on it, Joe got busy on his laptop and I went back to the car to rest. I had nearly an hour before my talk, “Mining the Gold of a Story,” was to begin, and my anxiety was mounting. I tried to meditate. I drank some green tree. I took some Ginseng and listed to the birds chirp. Then the following happened …
Next to the library, a car show was going on. I vaguely remember seeing a lot full of brightly painted old cars, when we pulled into the library parking lot, but because I was distracted by my own distress, I wasn’t too impressed. Well, those car show people were partying, and on the blaring loud speaker that I had managed to previously tune out, I heard a familiar song that made me smile, in spite of myself.
It was Aretha singing RESPECT: WHAT YOU WANT … BABY, I GOT IT… WHAT YOU NEED…DO YOU KNOW I GOT IT? Not only have I said in the past that I will get up and dance anyplace, anytime I hear Aretha sing RESPECT, I thought if I could manifest my husband, the love of my life, by repeatedly dancing to Steve Winwood’s “Higher Love,” I would take a chance.
I hopped out of the car and, standing near the rear bumper, I began to loosen up, until I was swaying, snapping my fingers, and singing along … I AIN’T GONNA DO YOU WRONG WHILE YOU’RE GONE … CAUSE I DON’T WANNA … R-E-S-P-E-C-T … FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME.
After that, I went back into the library ready to give my talk with a little more confidence, a slight bounce in my step, and just the right dose of attitude.
Post notes: These things always go better than I imagine they will, and I try to keep that in mind when I’m feeling like a wild hair out of place. The photos were taken by a woman who works at the library and Joe downloaded them onto his laptop. More on R-E-S-P-E-C-T HERE.
August 19th, 2006 9:55 pm
Hi Colleen,
I think it would take me more courage to dance by myself in a parking lot than the public speaking, but hey, I’m not sure about that. :0)
Good for you for facing the fear and doing it anyway, and many thanks to Aretha.
Hugs from Michele.
August 20th, 2006 7:14 am
Congratulations on your book review appearance. Sounds like you handled the “butterflies” quite well actually.
August 20th, 2006 8:31 am
Wow, girl, you’ve got my respect!!! Great job, Colleen.
August 20th, 2006 9:23 am
I can see this so clearly in my mind. Good for you, Colleen!
(I hate public speaking, too, but fortunately I only have to do it once a year, at Liam’s school)
August 20th, 2006 9:30 am
Bravo for you, Colleen! Well, I certainly DO respect you because once upon a time having been where you are…terrified of public speaking…I can SO relate to your fear.
But….you get OUT there. Despite the sweating palms and shaking legs….you DO it and for that, I give you credit. And that deserves a lot of respect…as opposed to people who whine about it, yet do nothing to try and overcome that fear. (It does get easier, trust me)
Now…talking about fears…mine is of heights. ie: Those twisty (dangerous?) roads you write about. Will I need a pair of blinders when I visit your area in October? See…we all have fears and mine might be your roads!
August 20th, 2006 9:35 am
See, that is all you needed was a little dancing! and RESPECT!
I’m sure you were sensational.
(Tks for the shout out!)
August 20th, 2006 9:49 am
Hi Terri, Some of the roads here are hairy, especially if you’re coming down off the mountain, but if you come via highway 81 onto route 8, or from Christiansburg you won’t notice a thing. Some of the back roads are dirt and seem like one lane roads, but you can avoid those. You’ll be fine! By the way, I think you and Deana came to mind when writing this post (besides the fact that I like to check in regularly) because I know you both would recongize a scene like this, you directly as an author, and she indirectly because her husband is an author.
My problem is more than normal nervousness. It has been more like a phobia. It has gotten better over the last few years because of doing it, but it’s never easy and I’m not so sure it’s worth what i go through. I don’t like attention and yet I keep doing things to draw attention to myself, I think as a way to heal my fear of it.
August 20th, 2006 11:23 am
I love dancing, too, although I don’t do much of it anymore. Glad the public speaking went well. I always have severe trepidation too, and it always goes well for me. We worry about nothing, don’t we?
August 20th, 2006 11:31 am
I’ve always wondered whether writers like public appearances. I like going to them, but some writers seem really incomfortable.
michele sent me.
August 20th, 2006 1:13 pm
I might have forgotten the time and meandered on over to look at the cars and totally missed the talk. (I hate public speaking THAT much.)
August 20th, 2006 2:33 pm
I understand your nerves and anxiety, my dear Colleen. It’s strange that in some ways I rather be up in front of people as myself than ‘playing a part’. But there is always some Stage Fright connected to any public appearance and I’m not sure that ever goes away completely. I think it is wonderful that you do these ‘public’ events in spite of the toll it takes because ultimately it sounds like each of them are very satisfying in retrospect. I hope you keep doing them in spite of the ‘before nerves’…I would love to see you do one. Does Joe ever Camcord any of these? That would be fun to see!
August 20th, 2006 2:41 pm
Colleen, I hope you can forgive me but last night at my 40th class reunion I gave away 4 of your books (my last 4). Many were mentioning your book and I just couldn’t ask them to pay…jeeze you could have set up a table at the Red Parrot for another book signing.
I’ll be writing about my reunion adventures when I can collect all my thoughts…but not today; I’m pooped.
I had a blast!
August 20th, 2006 6:42 pm
I am also nervous about speaking, but do not need the courage you must manifest because I also like to speak publicly. It is a strang dichotomy in my soul. Now as far as dancing in public next to my parked car, I would LOVE to have the courage to do that, but definately need alcohol or some drug or you by my side. You are a wonder person. We must meet someday. Once I retire, maybe I will head out your way.
August 20th, 2006 6:43 pm
This had me grinning. Dancing channels all sorts of marvelous stuff — that song was waiting for you. Congratulations on your appearance and your energies!
August 20th, 2006 9:56 pm
I think I’ll go to the Roanoke one. The library is right next to the place where Kevin rents a room stays and I probablly will be down here anyway. What time is it at?
Even though you get nervous and panicky – you speak as well as you write…. you just don’t realize it!
August 20th, 2006 11:04 pm
I now have a new addition to the list of things to bring when I have to do it:
1. Bach’s flower remedy
2. Cue cards
3. Tape of Aretha singing Respect
You are my idol!
August 20th, 2006 11:54 pm
Tabor, Come on down!
Patry, You bet I was downing the Bach Flower Remedy! That’s #1 on the list. The update is that I just got a nice complimentary email from the Book Festival organizer complimenting my talk and saying she’d be in touch for next year! So that felt good. It’s not the doing of it that gets to me, it’s the lead up to it.
Chris, all the information about the Roanoke Book fair is on the link I provided in the post.
August 21st, 2006 7:57 am
Seems, to me, that was the perfect message to get you going. Bravo!
I love that you are speaking about your book. Can’t wait to hear more.
I used to be terrified to speak in front of people. I even took an “F” on a project, beacause I wouldn’t speak. That ended when I worked at the University. I had to speak in front of about 50-60 new students in the Tech classes. Now I just get a little bit nervous. But I am so grateful for learning how to do it.
May 15th, 2014 10:53 am
[…] boys clothes, that my husband and I have the same IQ number but for different reasons, or that I’ll get up and dance no matter where I am if I hear Aretha Franklin sing “Respect.” I tell them those things because […]