The Pink Raft
I want a pink blow-up raft … to drift carefree …in a body of water I belong to …
A pink blow-up raft floated into my consciousness during a recent therapy session. “When’s the first time you thought of a pink raft?” my therapist asked me with interest. We both recognized that the raft was a visual signpost, but where would it lead? No doubt, it would take some time for me to reflect on its meaning.
Not like a stone skipping in and out … that plummets to the bottom when it’s done …
During the following week, I realized that my desire for a pink raft was not a whim; it was real. I not only wanted one, I needed it. After a period of self-exploration, I came to understand that the pink raft was a symbol related to my need for support, to be carried. This need likely related back to my early childhood and infancy when I experienced several traumatic separations from my mother. One such incident happened when I was hospitalized for burns for several weeks at the age of 7 months. But there were others.
I want a pink raft more … than a girl wants a Barbie doll … or a pink poodle skirt of quilted satin …
In my adult life, the burden of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sometimes weighs heavy. I began to visualize myself floating on a pink raft whenever I was resting and felt some relief when I did that.
I want to fall softly … like a single strand of hair … lands on a mirror and sticks
Soon, a real pink blow-up raft manifested itself without any effort from me. I spotted it in the cellar of a house that my son and his new wife were ready to make an offer to buy. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I wanted to touch it. Take a picture of it. But that seemed weird, and I wasn’t sure how to explain my interest in a pink raft to the others.
like the windswept curl … that drops across your cheek … and you lift your finger … to put it back in place
My son’s wife has a little girl. She and I got restless when her mother and step-dad were at the kitchen table with the realtor, going over financial figures and house buying details, so we went outside to explore. From the yard I could see the pink blow-up raft through the cellar window. Bravely, I went back inside to get a closer look.
I want you to hold me still … while I lie on my back … and float like a petal …
My little friend followed. It was she who snapped the photo of me standing next to the raft, reluctantly and awkwardly. She wanted her picture taken with it too. Posing with her arms crossed, her legs slightly open, and leaning to one side, she looked as if she OWNED that raft.
like a baby in a cradle … not left to sink or swim …
“Wait a minute,” I said to her. “I want another picture of me with the raft.” I let my shyness drop away, as I mimicked her self-assured attitude. I can have a pink raft too, my new pose seemed to say.
October 22nd, 2006 11:27 pm
Oh, yeah. That posture declares that YOU OWN that PINK RAFT, Colleen. It’s amazing how much we can learn from kids (and therapists, I guess)
Michele sent me up to the mountains!
October 23rd, 2006 12:17 am
Colleen, you deserve that pink raft and you look right at home standing beside it!
Yes, Rome and beyond was my reason for being away. Come back and read tomorrow’s post. I put it up while you were reading the other one.
October 23rd, 2006 4:56 am
Wonderful…I love the way you told about this and the lines of the poem coming through that telling….BEAUTIFUL!
Great picture, too!
October 23rd, 2006 5:08 am
Such comment and insight over one interesting image. I will never see a pink raft again without thinking of you!
October 23rd, 2006 6:00 am
beautiful!
own it gurl 🙂
i’ve got a pink raft and i love it. on snow or water. some things just feel right.
October 23rd, 2006 7:49 am
Hi Colleen: A wonderful post as usual. I guess we all need our mythical pink rafts at times. It was wonderful getting to meet you.
October 23rd, 2006 8:30 am
What great insight. And wouldn’t you know it, you see the “Pink Raft” at your son’s new home, right after the session and with a child. It all connects. I love you and wish I could have got you a “Pink Raft” sooner. xo
October 23rd, 2006 10:08 am
Holy Cow! Don’t ya just love the Universe.
I am so glad you had the insight to realize what the pink raft means to you.
You Go!
October 23rd, 2006 10:22 am
Wow, to be searching for something for a long time, to know you need it, to attach such meaning to it, and then when you finally find it – you don’t take it home? Will a picture be enough? Will you be thinking of it and wishing you had it and making up excuses to see the house one more time?
October 23rd, 2006 1:47 pm
There! the pink raft! with a lovely story 🙂
October 23rd, 2006 2:20 pm
That picture is great. Own your own pink inflatable. In your visualization you can incorporate its touch and smell and rise above it all.
October 23rd, 2006 3:25 pm
I was hospitalized for severe burns at 18 months. My mom was young and couldn’t take it and my grandmas sat with me a lot of the time. I was there for over 3 weeks. I wonder if that is what makes me a bit “colder” than others? That separation at a critical time.
I am glad you found your pink raft Colleen! I hope it is everything you need it to be.
October 23rd, 2006 3:48 pm
Separation anxiety can create some interesting defense mechanisms. So glad your grandmas sat with you, Deana. I’m sure the pink raft is symbolic of my mother’s body.
October 23rd, 2006 5:17 pm
Neat metaphor…and who knows when another pink raft will come along for you? You will probably start to see them everywhere now! And hopefully you will start to feel supported and attached in a special way.
And I wish a pink raft could actually take the fatigued and sore muscles away! They weigh me down too! Maybe I’ll just have to make do with the noodles they give us in my aquafitness class!
October 23rd, 2006 6:01 pm
Pink raft power! Ruth, you’re so funny.
Lately, I’ve been bonding to everything pink. I do plan to shop for a pink raft of my own next summer…maybe take it to bed like a teddy!
October 23rd, 2006 7:54 pm
Colleen, As your awareness grows the pink raft is an excellent symbol of mother and baby being one. Yours was deflated too early for reasons that could or couldn’t be helped (it doesn’t really matter from a child’s point of view).
I find it interesting that you (and I) were, in our early years of motherhood, very aware of this.
Hmmmm.
Waiting for more.
October 23rd, 2006 10:28 pm
Wow. I had an interesting pink moment today, too, after reading this post. I blogged about it.
The pink raft is a great symbol and its connection to your childhood experiences makes perfect sense. I recently discovered that my love of amusement parks and Coney Island in particular is all tied to my father. I am still unraveling it but it was so exciting to make that connection — like finding a lost puzzle piece. (Or a lost marble, in my case… ha ha!) 🙂
October 24th, 2006 12:41 am
I found a pink fire hydrant…. but that just will not do.
I guess a Big Lots or Dollar Store should be in your future.
October 24th, 2006 1:53 am
Nodding at Nancy’s note — the Universe is a wonderful thing!
October 24th, 2006 9:41 am
definately noticing a pink trend here…..
October 24th, 2006 9:42 am
I love that post, Colleen and the serendipity of finding it the cellar, Jung’s symbolic unconscious. Wow. Thanks. I have the same yearning to climb a tree, but so far I haven’t found the right one.
October 24th, 2006 9:47 am
I hadn’t looked at the correlation between the cellar and the unconscious! I was aware of how it was a little girl who showed the little girl in me how to be more assertive in expressing my needs. I think I have read somewhere that symbolically a tree stands for the father.
October 24th, 2006 8:01 pm
I love the imagery of the pink raft.
I had a friend who dealt with CFS for about a year, and then it just went away. And I always loved that ep. of Golden Girls where Dorothy illuminates the prejudice and ignorance surrounding it.
Great story. The pink raft. A solid image.
~S
October 29th, 2006 7:16 pm
NOW I know why you commented on all my PINK the other day on my blog…as you can see, I’m playing catch-up here. That was pretty ironic that I had the pink.
Wonderful symbolism, Colleen and may you always float peacefully on that pink raft.
October 30th, 2006 12:51 pm
I am very much drawn into the tale you have woven here, Colleen. After reading it twice I am quite certain that I will always think of you when I see a pink raft. I will be in search of my own as well although I have no idea what it’s shape or color is yet. We all need something to sustain us and keep us afloat. I wonder what mine looks like… Once again you have my mind happily skipping in inspired circles.
October 30th, 2006 1:10 pm
Thanks, MommaK. I’m glad you came over and got a peek at the pink raft before it floated off the front page.
Guess I’ll have to wait till next summer to get one of my own. Can you imagine me lugging it around the way a little person lugs around their favorite teddy bear?
November 1st, 2006 12:17 pm
Hi, I came in as part of the Perfect Post link and I can see why this is one. For you to take a simple little air mattress and create something beautiful; you are one of the most talented writers I’ve seen in blogland in some time. Thank you for sharing this with us and I’ll visit again if you don’t mind. 🙂
November 2nd, 2006 4:15 pm
Here via Petroville. I loved this story. And the pic. I can identify with that need. I have an instrumental piece that was popular when I was a kid that goes through my head. I identified it as a song that was playing at the city pool while I was just floating on my back one afternoon. When I need to be carried, I hear it. That’s my pink raft.
Powerful stuff.
November 2nd, 2006 4:16 pm
another perfect post linker, logging in to say how incredibly wonderfully you put words together. you make me want a pink raft NOW. thanks!
January 19th, 2007 1:05 pm
Your post spoke: the style, the poem, the words between, and the photo. Glad I stumbled on it.
October 11th, 2011 11:24 am
[…] that pink spaghetti strap shirt with the matching […]
January 7th, 2015 11:40 pm
[…] 8. I want a pink blow-up raft / to drift carefree on / in a body of water I belong to / Not like a stone / skipping in and out / plummets to the bottom when it’s done / I want a pink raft more / than a girl wants a Barbie doll / or a pink poodle skirt of quilted satin … More of this poem from back in the day when 31 comments on a blog post was not unusual HERE. […]