Stalemate
The poem stops here
The writer concedes
She has written herself
into a corner
in a page of pawns
and flawed rhymes
There will be no final word
to move you
Post notes: Sometimes when writing poetry, cutting and editing and moving stanza lines around, a stalemate can occur. The above poem was a byproduct of THIS poem, which I wrote easily, up to a point. After work-shopping it with my fellow members of The Floyd Writer’s Circle, I rearranged the order of lines but then felt like a line was missing in the rhythm. I worked for days, coming up with many possibilities for a line to insert in between the words”shell” and “turn,” none of which I was happy with.
July 13th, 2007 12:01 pm
You know what Collen…I think they are both perfecrt…! Maybe it is like a painting…I mean there have been times I was unsatisfied with the way a painting looked when it was…finished…BUT other people looking at it thought it was just fine….
As the “writer” I can understand your feeling about it, but as the
“reader” they both look perfect to me…!
July 13th, 2007 12:06 pm
Thanks, Naomi. My feeling was that at least I got a second little poem out of the frustration of writing the first one.
July 13th, 2007 5:36 pm
How about,
“Barely reflecting,
Whispering its story” ?
(It’s just what came to me right away..was going to put in “life” story, but you need short lines and it didn’t make a difference.
July 13th, 2007 6:38 pm
Yes, I like that! I had: washed up moon shell … lifts your gaze … turn your ear towards its shine.
I wanted to imply that you could hold the moon to your ear like you would a shell and then hear some of the secrets of the universe…or at least the directions home.
July 13th, 2007 7:58 pm
How did you do that crazy upside down font over at Michele’s?? That’s so cool!
Mike
July 13th, 2007 8:03 pm
What may not be pefect for you is just right for me!!
Colleen, thanks for the visit. No, I didn’t go to AU, my daughter did. Lucky her!
July 13th, 2007 8:06 pm
Thanks, Kenju.
Hi Mike, The answer is to the upside down type is in number 13 on yesterday’s 13 Thursday post.
July 13th, 2007 8:07 pm
I really like this poem — the sentiments strike a chord, as does the idea that you get stuck and need a different direction to get loose again.
Hi! Michele sent me!
N.
July 14th, 2007 3:57 am
It’s beautiful!.
Poetry has always baffled me and it seems that the poetry that is considered the best is often that which I least understand – I wonder why that is… 😉
July 14th, 2007 11:43 am
It looks just right, Colleen.
July 15th, 2007 8:01 am
Seems like a good poem to me! Your words are always inspired.
July 16th, 2007 8:25 pm
Thanks. I’ve always been somewhat fascinated by the moon with its various faces…and phases. I imagine it could share many stories just as the conch shell does when you hear the ocean in it, another thing that used to fascinate me so much!!