Share the Care
I belong to a Share the Care circle. It’s a group of people who have agreed to alternate monthly home visits to someone with health issues who has asked for help. Occasionally we all get together for fellowship and a simple meal.
My Share the Care home visits got off to a rough start, a change in her schedule, a change in mine, a snowstorm. When we finally did get together for our first planned hour together, we spent it walking outside. During the second visit we played Scrabble. For the third visit it was Boggle. And then more walking. On that day we were joined by a man with disabilities that I had been hired to support for the day.
Last month when we met, I was feeling frazzled, tired and not thinking well. Upon arriving at her home, I plopped into an easy chair. “Do you mind if we just sit and visit?” I asked, letting out a sigh. I had an interview for as story scheduled right after our hour together. “I have to leave a little early,” I added, feeling pressed for time. She was happy to oblige and set an alarm for 40 minutes so that I wouldn’t be late for my appointment.
I understand her fatigue issues, when her brain doesn’t work the way it should. The disabilities most of us have are only separated by varieties and degrees. I don’t do well with events scheduled back-to-back. I need to navigate life with room in between every activity so as not to be overwhelmed with the sensory overload exhaustion that too frequently accompanies Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, something I’ve been managing for the past twenty-five years.
So we talked. We listened. Her dog tried to jump on my lap. We laughed.
When the alarm when off I jumped! “You’re kidding?” I said. It seemed like no more than 15 minutes had passed instead of more than 30.
“Can we sit in silence for a few moments before I go?” I asked, wanting to gather my focus. She loved the idea. We closed our eyes and held the space in silence. As we did, I felt moved by a feeling of gratitude for our mutual exchange, one in which we both were able to get what we needed, while supporting each other at the same time.
I went off to do my interview not feeling scattered and drained, but with humor and a bounce in my step. The interview went well with hardly a clue of the juggling it took on my part to pull it off.
December 5th, 2008 10:36 am
I love the idea of this Share the Care circle. So many are in need of attention and time shared. And it is true.. so often when we lend a helping hand (or ear) it is us who gain the most.
December 5th, 2008 10:52 am
I love this – that you were able to sit in companionable silence with someone and be buoyed up by that time, and that you had the strength and wisdom to ask for what you needed. I find that inspiring. I too need the long pauses between things as I overload quite easily.
Thank you for this post.
(Tanya sent me, btw, but I’m glad I came)
December 5th, 2008 2:06 pm
Colleen, what a wonderful thing to do. I know when mother was home with me we had someone come in for her and then I could leave – but, there were days when I wanted someone to come in and be with ME…I love that you care enough about others…
December 5th, 2008 3:50 pm
I think this model is very special and creates a sense of shared community for all involved. And who knows when any one of us might need something like it?
December 5th, 2008 5:46 pm
You are just he exact fit in personality and wisdom that I would want should I need a visit by someone or should someone I love need some home visitation! Bless you!
December 6th, 2008 12:29 am
What a lovely idea. I hope it brings you many new friends. Tanya (NetChick) sent me.
December 6th, 2008 9:39 am
What a wonderful idea–sharing the care. And how lovely that you were able to share that kind of intimate connection to another human being. I think that’s what most of us crave the most, after all.
December 6th, 2008 12:37 pm
That’s a great concept. And aren’t you wonderful for caring enough to belong to something like that? People need people – how easily we forget that.
December 6th, 2008 8:27 pm
I think it is awesome that you do this. xo
December 6th, 2008 10:35 pm
That’s interesting, how you get overwhelmed by sensory overload exhaustion because of your Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I’ve always suspected I have Chronic Fatigue and now I’m thinking I may be right because I am also the same way about the sensory overload. I CANNOT schedule things back-to-back. And I will fall asleep anywhere if I don’t get a chance to recharge. I fell asleep in the dentist’s chair with my mouth open, and at the circus, if that tells you anything.
Anyway, I am also thinking of visiting someone who needs company. Doesn’t surprise me that you are doing that Colleen. I can tell you are a nice person and you’ve made me think I better get a move-on.
http://www.GreenerPastures–ACityGirlGoesCountry.blogspot.com
December 7th, 2008 7:52 am
wow – so interesting. i, too, do not handle too many things scheduled on the same day. 2 is my limit, and i prefer only one appt or activity outside the home per day. i also like a day’s break between activities if i can arrange it. i prefer not to go out every day of the week.
this post appeals so much to the social worker in me! it sounds like such a wonderful idea, colleen, and i would like to be involved in something similar. i love your community involvement. i have been thinking recently about finding a nursing home i can visit regularly. i am so fond of elderly people. there are so many lonely seniors in nursing facilities who get too few visits and too little attention.
December 7th, 2008 3:15 pm
This story brightened my day. When one is hurting, maybe alone (probably alone), with old friends gone, a visit from a fellow person can be a real treat. It needn’t be structured. In fact just sitting, talking, looking over old photos, reading a poem, can be a pleasant remembrance for you both.
I try to visit the older neighbors when I can even if they are in the nursing home now and I always feel I should do more. But they are happy with the visit and look forward to another. I take old magazines to the home (they especially like the National Geographics’ because of the pictures) and if you can get them away from the staff, some of the folks do look at them.
A formal program would be better than these random visits I suppose but we have no such as far as I know. Is your program set up through a church or a philanthropic group?
December 7th, 2008 3:31 pm
This is a wonderful idea…
I’m part of a more informal group, family, paid help and just me as a friend, visiting an older couple near me. My dog, an older Springer Spaniel, goes along whenever I can manage it. I love to see how they interact with her; those lovely old hands stroke her fur so carefully… I should do so much more for them, though!
December 9th, 2008 9:51 am
This sounds like such a wonderful thing to do. I love the idea of the silence before you left and your sharing.
December 9th, 2008 2:20 pm
What a great use of time.
Everything is just a matter of degrees. You said it!