What’s It All about Alfie?
What’s it all about, Alfie? Is it just for the moment we live? ~ Joss Stone lyrics
Whenever I slow down enough to where I’m not ruled by deadlines, a schedule, or commitments to others, I begin to be aware of underlying and subtle sadness that makes me wonder if all my activity isn’t actually a coping mechanism to avoid feeling sad.
‘Who am I and why is it important what I do?’ I ask myself, usually in the middle of the night or upon waking in the morning. Where does this sense of emptiness come from? Who am I when I’m not doing? How dare I waste precious time?
I could blame my feelings on the state of the world, the government, the weather, aging, or on thinking I don’t have enough of something. But a little self-analysis and inquiry eventually brings me to the same conclusion every time. Layer after layer comes the realization that my sadness is rooted in knowing that I will eventually lose everything and everyone I love. Even my own existence as I know it is impermanent.
I think this sadness (for lack of a better word) is what the Buddha called “suffering” (a word I find too dramatic). I think about all the consuming and self-medication humans engage in to not feel this feeling and I wonder if an underlying sadness might be a common feeling we all share.
Taking time to think and feel, before I know it I move on. My schedule starts filling up, my creativity returns and the cycle starts again.
July 19th, 2009 12:27 am
Your biorhythms, right? You’re just in the downswing now.
July 19th, 2009 6:06 am
Yes, we stay in motion so much of the time…when we do have a moment of stillness…for a glimpse into being. Instead of savoring it,we usually start pondering and a flood of questions arise for which there are no certain answers. We respond by getting back to motion…to doing. It’s what we humans do best.
July 19th, 2009 6:23 am
Interesting. I think staying busy is a curious form of self-medication. I am guilty of prescribing this to myself. Of course, if we’re not busy, we’re lazy. Or useless. Or perhaps painfully aware of the ultimate folly of all this running around.
You have me thinking. Thanks.
July 19th, 2009 6:53 am
So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them (Genesis 1:27).
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so (Genesis 1:28-30).
And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day (Genesis 1:31).
Revelation 4:11
Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.
We are created for His pleasure. From the first page of Scripture to the last, that message is clear. We are created for His pleasure. Further, the Apostle Paul wrote in Colossians 1:16: For by Him were all things created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones or dominions or principalities or powers: all things were created by Him and for Him.
If we accept that all this is true, and that any other answer is both illogical and devoid of hope, then the next question to ask is – what do we do about it? Or more to the point, what do you and I do about it?
Why Am I Here? Making it Personal
Having concluded that mankind exists to please God, the challenge becomes personal. What do I do about it? How can I, me, one person – possibly please such a big, huge, infinite God? The Bible gives us those answers too. For now, we can rest in this truth – none of us is here by accident. We were planned and wanted by our Heavenly Father from before the beginning of time. . .
Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
July 19th, 2009 9:22 am
Colleen I thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling a little more since I retired. It is rather easy to fill the days with activity so that one does not have to think about the big picture and the important questions and look back and see how much time has really passed. I guess the key is to not let this interruption scare us or overwhelm us and to accept it. I also am going to use it as a motivator to find more meaningful tasks to do.
July 19th, 2009 9:34 am
I think we are deepening as we age and some of what is stored deep is not always pretty. Well said Tabor … to use our feelings of grief to fine tune our activities and make them more meaningful. I too try to do that. I’m really not trying to solve this as a problem or want to be made to feel better. It is an aspect of my life because I am allowing it to be in my exploration into authenticity.
July 19th, 2009 11:34 am
Maybe it’s my youth (not that I’m so young any more) or maybe it’s my optimism, but what’s to say you will lose everything and everyone you love?
July 19th, 2009 11:37 am
I always forget to say… Tanya (a.k.a NetChick) sent me to say Hello 🙂
I hope you’re having a good weekend too.
July 19th, 2009 12:30 pm
Because everything and everyone dies.
Every wondrous sight will vanish, every sweet word will fade. But do not be disheartened the source they come from is eternal. ~ Rumi
July 19th, 2009 2:12 pm
If I spend a little time with the sadness when it’s present it will run its course and then it will change to something else. Because things are always changing, However if I resist and succumb to distraction it must linger on underneath all the busyness and like a magnet will continue to draw me back. So why not sit with this guest when it’s present? I feel grateful to have my morning sitting practice which gives me a format to simply be with whatever is happening at least for a half an hour. When I’m not just being present I use passage meditation to balance the flavor of the bitter with a wisdom teaching from an ancient master. Here’s a new passage I just learned.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest-house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows
who violently seep your house’
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you
out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond. ~ Rumi
July 19th, 2009 5:02 pm
praying for you: clarity and inspiration.
yes my tomatoes are small and green, thank God for the farmers market each week! YUM
July 19th, 2009 9:37 pm
I sometimes wonder the same thing.
NetChick sent me.
July 20th, 2009 8:14 am
I feel this time and time again also. You are not alone and this to will pass. I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xo
July 20th, 2009 11:02 am
The tide goes in and the tide goes out.
July 20th, 2009 12:24 pm
I do the same thing, I feel like my entire life is spent trying not to feel sad. It is the reason behind everything I do.
July 21st, 2009 4:11 am
I don’t think there is any question about the fact that what you say is right on the mark, Colleen….At least I guess it is right on the mark for me. Being restricted as I am and unable to participate in ALL the creatuve endevors and things I use to…AND, getting up there un age with more and more infimities…the “sadness” is more present than it ever was before. Losing so many people over the years—these last years more painfully true than before—I think this sadness begins to permeate just about everything I do. So….it is there and it will be there….Creating beauty and sharing it with others—whatever form that takes is good for the soul, my dear Colleen….I hope you continue to do all that you do, even though underneath is this deep abiding sadness…..It does truly sooth the heart and your sharing of it helps soooth other people’s hearts as well. Part of The Human Condition rears it’s truthful head….I won’t say “ugly” because it is just the way it is. I don’t like it one bit, though, and I dob’t know anyone who does….Beautiful put, dear Colleen…Beautiful said.