When Old Habits Fall Away
Red maple leaves fell from envelopes this autumn, all the way from Massachusetts where Joe has been sitting a month long silent meditation retreat. They spilled out of a letter that I hadn’t thought would come because other (shorter) silent retreats he’s done have barred writing. I had forgotten how romantic real letter writing can be and how much a person’s spirit comes through their written word.
I was heartened to know that the time he is spending on himself has already been beneficial and that he is healing from compulsive habits of the mind and of overextending himself. Here is an excerpt from the letter that isn’t too personal to share:
Living in this fluid, flexible flow of days, I feel softened and relaxed to have time – so much time – time out of time – so much so that there is no need to count it or keep track of it. Bells sound invitations for sitting, walking, working, and eating periods. All moments are equal. The root of the practice here is to look at ways your mind relates to whatever you are experiencing. Some we find pleasant and perhaps get hooked – some we find unpleasant and perhaps feel aversion – some we find neutral and perhaps space out to future and past thoughts. It’s about continually waking up to the reality of the present experience and noticing what kind of story the mind is telling about it. In this way, previously unconscious habits of reacting with craving or aversion, or spacing out can be examined and deconstructed.
I feel the value of the month. If I were going home today (note: 10 days into the retreat) I would feel new and refreshed in my mind and body, but the habit patterns of my mind still have so much automatic momentum that I feel I would soon be back into my ruts. It’s so clear from watching my thoughts how often they jump to new and big historic projects. I get to laugh because there is nothing to do about them but to see them as empty thoughts, habits of thought, passing through like weather systems …
October 21st, 2009 5:46 am
I should take advantage of his knowledge and turn this three-week solitude of mine into a personal retreat. I have been filling it with errands and am heading off on Thursday for grandchildsitting…but maybe for the two weeks when I return?
October 21st, 2009 7:22 am
soulful- one thing retreats do is go way down to the soul..love the alliteration.What a precious gift you give one another
October 21st, 2009 8:27 am
i agree with sandy. retreats go down to the soul. when we are absorbed with our daily activities, we just continuously do what’s necessary. retreats help us pause, before playing the music again. 🙂
October 21st, 2009 9:05 am
A hand-written letter is such a gift…especially hand-written love letters! 🙂
I love the way Joe addressed the envelope and the treasures he enclosed. Sweet. Thanks for sharing a bit of your letter with us.
October 21st, 2009 10:51 am
his letter is so beautifully written. his experiences appear to be so deeply fulfilling in his effort to create more peaceful moments in his daily routines. i think that love is about just this – honoring each other and supporting individual personal growth. too many partners focus only on what they want and need and far too little on encouraging and supporting their mates in their own endeavors, especially if it means time spent apart. some miss out completely on understanding that the more whole we are individually the more rich our union is. i loved the address on the envelope, by the way. what a lovely surprise you received from your “moon date” lover! all month when i have seen the moon i was reminded of the lovely romantic dates you 2 were having. 🙂
October 21st, 2009 11:14 am
A by-product of Joe’s retreat is that I am also getting a retreat of sorts, only my retreat also includes washing the floor, sorting through a year’s worth of photos for my albums, babysitting bryce, and working on a story here and there. I have been meditating daily but only once to Joe’s 5 or 6 times, which would be too heroic for me. He swings in a wider orbit than me. I’m all about slow and steady, already in the moderate middle, and not much of a joiner.
Most of the personal and relationship work the separation brought up came beforehand. We came to look at it the way rehab/detox works, for the brain to reset it takes at least a month of sobriety from overdoing compulsions or any compulsion. Although Joe is already a teacher of mindfulness, the monthlong was recommended by his teachers for a deepening of his practice, but it was also something he came to see that he needed and wanted.
For me, the doing of the separation has been much easier than dealing with the separation anxiety leading up to it and I do feel a sense of new confidence (I’m easily spooked) in my ability to live alone.
After a second letter Joe said…no more letters now because he was about to go even deeper into the retreat and hopefully work through some upper limits that were starting to come up.
Life is a fascinating experiment.
October 21st, 2009 12:32 pm
I cannot imagine a silent retreat for that long. Mr. kenju did it for 3 days once.
October 21st, 2009 2:18 pm
Popped in to get your url. I’m linking to you from my new blog devoted to haiku. I would love your thoughts.
Joe’s experience reminds me of a retreat at a monastery. I’ve always wanted to do that.
How lovely to get not just a mere letter, but a natural gift included. How fortunate you are.
Kat
October 21st, 2009 4:37 pm
This reminds me of my highschool retreat trips. It was great to spend time away from the hassles and bustles of a big city (where I used to live).
Letters are really romantic and because of technology people seemed to forget about that.
October 21st, 2009 4:48 pm
The world rejoices because one soul is flying. The rest look on with envy.
October 21st, 2009 7:50 pm
I absolutely LOVE the picture. It should be the cover of a book or something like that. xo
PS Joe is writer too.