Walk in My Shoes
AKA: How Green is Your Grass?
After my recent post, a day in my life in 25 easy steps (a description of my current typical day), I received a couple of comments that caused me to suspect that some readers might have the impression that my life is idyllic. I think things can sound better in print than they really are, in the same way that a photograph can look “picture perfect,” but it only captures an instant in time, or an aspect of a whole story.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately (even before the above mentioned post) how other people’s lives often look better from afar than they usually actually are. Sort of how watching a couple paddling in a canoe along a shimmering lake on a sunny day can look so peaceful and make you feel that you wish you had a canoe too. But if you were actually in the canoe, the reality might be more like this: Your arms hurt from rowing. It’s hot and sticky. Mosquitoes are biting you.
It’s true that because my grown sons are out on their own, and because I recently retired from full-time foster care (I’m currently doing respite foster care for others a couple of weekends a month.), I have more time for writing and gardening. I did go on a month long sabbatical this summer to my hometown peninsula in Massachusetts, and I have been camping on the weekends with my husband in our palomino camper.
I do have a good life, one full of many blessings. But there’s something unmentioned underlying the above scenario that makes it less than ideal, which is this: as a recovering Chronic Fatigue sufferer, it’s part of my ongoing therapy to keep my life as simple as possible. While I enjoy my life, I also have to meter out my activities; I can’t deal with high stress, and I haven’t been able to hold a full time job outside the home since I was in my mid-20s.
I keep thinking I’m going to write more about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (which I believe is really a symptom, as opposed to a disease and one that has almost as many causes as there are people who have it) because there might be others out there who struggle with it worse than I do who would like to hear my story. But the truth is I don’t write that much about it because it’s really not all that interesting, and I don’t want to give energy to it. I don’t tend to write about the maggots in my compost bucket either.
Whether one has a bad back, a bad marriage, a disabled child, an addiction, or whatever, I think we can assume that we all carry some personal burdens. And hopefully, we know we can decide to make the best of life regardless of them.
Photo: Skye’s shoes. I knew this photo would come in handy someday.
August 19th, 2005 9:52 am
Once when I was at work and reading the current newspaper. I realized how negative the news was and I put the paper down. I said, “I wish there was a newspaper about births and positive events.” I was told this would not sell.
So PLEASE keep writing your blog entries, for it soothes and helps some of us in this crazy mixed up world.
August 19th, 2005 11:05 am
ok i am mad at your blog colleen….]
i had this nice big comment all typed and it won’t let me submit it due to questionable content!….ARRRGGHHH…i have no clue why…there was nothing bad in it….
WAAHHH…taking my marbles and going home….heehee
August 19th, 2005 12:21 pm
that happens to me sometimes too, Glenn and I were going for a walk one day, and a woman who lived on our block told us that we always look so happy together. And yeah, we are happy when we are out on a walk together, which was the entire extent of her observation of us. But we have struggles and ups and downs just like everyone else does.
And you left out those horseflys that come after you in the kayak when you get too close to the shore. lol! Those are the worst!
August 19th, 2005 12:28 pm
Sorry but I don’t see how the shoes fit in??
August 19th, 2005 3:12 pm
Dwelling on the bad parts serves to magnify them in our minds. If one could think about them only long enough to determine which parts you could do something about – and not so long as to stress the negatives – our lives would be better off, wouldn’t they?
August 19th, 2005 3:30 pm
Here’s what Lu wrote to me: I too have read your blog and thought wow…colleen has the perfect life (ok so I still think that hehe) but I completely get what you are saying…people who read my blog probably think I’m a happy go lucky person…but the truth is…there’s lots of days in my life when there is no humor at all.
August 19th, 2005 3:36 pm
Part 2 of what Lu said: For some reason my site won’t accept part 2. The gist of what she said was that writing about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome would be an excellent idea. When her son was born with a heart defect she was SO GLAD to find others going throught the same thing and it made her realize that she wasn’t alone. Lu’s blog address is further up. Will this work? Who is out there rating these comments and bouncing some for no obvious reason??
August 19th, 2005 3:42 pm
You couldn’t be more right. However, what I’ve found is that I often fall into the thought that I live less than the perfect life, but then I’ll write about something that seems so mundane to me. So ordinary. And I’ll get comments on how romantic my husband is, and it gives me a new look on things. 🙂
August 19th, 2005 3:47 pm
Excellent Post!!!!
August 19th, 2005 7:11 pm
A simple life, low stress, spending time with nature and doing the things you love and with a family who loves you…not such a bad disease ;0) Love your positive outlook..we can all learn from you..idyllic or not.
August 19th, 2005 7:11 pm
A simple life, low stress, spending time with nature and doing the things you love and with a family who loves you…not such a bad disease ;0) Love your positive outlook..we can all learn from you..idyllic or not.
August 20th, 2005 9:41 am
I understand the need to rein in energies. The effects of stress — and of reducing it — are incredible. After we moved down here I felt muscles relaxing that I hadn’t realized existed before, never mind that they’d been tense for, oh, just about all my conscious life. I’ve now gone for two-years-plus without treatment for what used to be debilitating menstrual cramps (literally couldn’t walk, plus other problems). Now waiting to see if my insurance carrier will lift the exclusionary rider that says it won’t cover my reproductive system.
August 20th, 2005 9:14 pm
Yes, from the right distance anything is lovely or ugly. No one is without some burden. Some just broadcast it as their primary (pre)occupation. People who are wound up in their problems sometimes deal with them by chastizing themselves for having them, instead of noticing that the human condition is like that, with dark spots and beauties.
August 23rd, 2005 2:02 am
I don’t keep a blog to dwell on the negative. I write to deal with the negative and celebrate the postive.
I also like your interpretation of CFS as more of a symptom than a disease. Viewing it as a symptom encourages a much more better mindset and more proctive approach for the same issues. Viewing is as a disease or a condition makes one sound powerless.