Bless This Mess
AKA: I am My Father’s Daughter
My husband was home from work because of the snow. It was 11:30 and I was just getting breakfast, after having put in a load of laundry, fed the dog, wrapped a Christmas package for mailing, gotten the upstairs bedroom ready for the respite foster care I was scheduled to do that weekend, put things back where things were supposed to be, and posted my blog entry for the day. I let out a big SIGH.
“What’s that sigh for?” he asked.
He was doing case notes at the kitchen table because his upstairs office had become uninhabitable since he recently finished graduate school and then went right into a full-time job. His paperwork had spread out to cover ¾ the length of the kitchen table, with a few stacks resting in piles on the floor.
“If you ever wonder what I do all day, besides blogging and writing, you can ask yourself how we keep our whole house from looking just like your office. It only happens because I work here,” I answered.
He laughed. But the truth is, while I try to keep some semblance of order in our main living spaces, my office is only a few degrees neater than his. But it’s okay.
When I was in Massachusetts recently for my dad’s funeral, I wrote about how his favorite chair sat empty like a monument to his life. Besides his chair, the other place family members went to feel my dad’s spirit was his video room, where, for the past 20 years, he made copies of movies for family members to watch and designed homemade jacket covers using video store movie flyers. His video collection starts in the garage, fills up the cellar, and is stacked onto bookcases of every shape and size on all 3 floors of his house. He used several work stations in other parts of the house to copy videos, but his video room was where the art of making jacket covers took place, his favorite part of the process. It was a room we weren’t allowed to hang out in, and we all knew to leave him alone when he was in there.
…These days my dad spends his time playing the lottery, whistling down grocery store aisles, or patronizing the local video store… He loves to copy the latest movies to give to his kids when they come to visit, guaranteeing his popularity, as if he had to try to do that. ~ Excerpt from Let Me Clue You in About My Father, May ‘04 WVTF Radio Essay(the long version).
I was disheartened when I returned home from the funeral, and facing the clutter in my office was hard. But when I did, I got a revelation. It dawned on me that when it comes to cleaning and organization, I’ll never live up to my mother’s standard because I’m my father’s daughter. For people like me and my dad, if something is in a drawer, it might as well not exist. We like the tools of our trade to be at our fingertips, and we know exactly where something is in our own creative chaos…unless, of course, something gets buried and then we just start over with a new set of supplies.
I wasn’t the only one who spent time in my father’s video room and appreciated the lived-in clutter there, with several pairs of scissors and rolls of tapes spread out on the table, and scraps of paper from the movie flyers he cut up still on the floor. My Asheville potter son, Josh, who has 3 desks in his living space that hold all variety of art supplies for his ongoing collage journaling project, particularly appreciated my father’s creative sanctuary because he understands the creative process.
He is his mother’s son. And his grandfather’s grandson.
Photo: My dad’s video room.
December 19th, 2005 9:55 am
Another heartwarming blog about OUR great Dad. Love you xo
December 19th, 2005 10:48 am
I understand exactly what you’re saying.
My mom is a “collector” of everything. And everything is everywhere. Right where it can be found without a hassel. As much as I hate it, I am just like her. But yet I find so much comfort in that.
December 19th, 2005 2:34 pm
Hi Col, Add me to the list: “For people like me and my dad, if something is in a drawer, it might as well not exist.” Closets for me are places to hide things, rather than storage places. I use them of course, but not because I choose to. When I’m thinking of wearing something, it sits on a chair for a day or two. Once they’re out of sight, I also forget them. When I’m making a rug, or even thinking of making one, all the wool stays in a heap on the sewing room floor. I can see the colors that way. It helps me to decide. The mess stays there for the full 5 to 6 months it takes to complete it … part of the process, I guess. My desk is a mess as well – piled high with papers for blog ideas, but funny, when I’m at a loss for a subject matter, I seldom weed through it, but I want it there…just in case. Come to think of it my computer is the same way, I save articles that have long since been of use. I do though like it when it’s all cleaned up; which I tackle occasionally. I have little boxes full of things too, but they don’t bother me as much as a closed drawer of closet door. Maybe because boxes are small enough to carry.
December 19th, 2005 3:00 pm
I think my husband is related to your family! In his office, everything is on top of the furniture, notin the drawers or files. It drives me crazy, but I shut the door and don’t look!
December 19th, 2005 4:58 pm
Organized chaos. That is my life. 🙂 We are wonderful people!
December 19th, 2005 7:18 pm
What’s wrong. Looks like home to me.
December 19th, 2005 7:40 pm
This looks like chaos that is at least organized. I can handle that. Now my daughter, that is another story. She is as you say “her father’s daughter” and this doesn’t mean organized chaos, rather just good old fashioned complete and total chaos. The kind where you cannot find anything. And the chaos can hit and be complete in less than five minutes. Whether she comes home for the weekend, the break or summer, it is the same. In five minutes her room will be a disaster of epic proportions and the bathroom not far behind. Much I can deal with but the “drawer” issue. Nyssa has never met a drawer that she wanted to close. Therefore they all stay open, some six inches, others two inches, and others just enough for the cat to stick a paw in, hook a sock and pull it out. I just can’t take the open drawer concept. AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!
December 20th, 2005 12:49 am
I usually tend not to collect clutter, at least I don’t think of it that way. For what I collect is what I need. And what I need is all over my desk 🙂
December 20th, 2005 2:20 am
I LOVE your Dad’s Collection in that one photo..My Lord, he was organized…I’ve always taped a lot of stuff, but never been really really good about keeping it in any really good way where you could lay your hands on something in a minute—and it sure looks like your Dad could do that! I admire that ability so very much…my stuff is everywhere and I usually do know where anything I might want to use for my creative projects would be, but…It’s certainly not organized the way that wonderful room and hallway looks. Does anyone else in your family love thse video’s?
December 20th, 2005 7:20 am
I too will never live up to my m other’s standards. But not because i’m my fathers daughter. However but because I am my mothers daughter. She is a pack rat. Only she hides her stuff while I display mine. If its put up and clean i cant find what I need. It is forever lost if hidden in cabinets or drawers.
December 20th, 2005 9:40 am
I too hate drawers left open, love doors that you can close, and am going to try Kathy’s idea of more boxes to store things in, rather that visble piles of stuff out in the open.
We all benefited from my dad’s video collection and still will. I think my mom was behind a lot the organization effort, although my dad built most of the shelves.
December 20th, 2005 4:47 pm
It is comforting to know you are alike. I agree–having things at the fingertips is handy, though 🙂
December 22nd, 2005 12:56 am
That picture is pristine compared to our place. You can see the floor! 🙂