Remedy
There are two kinds of gratitude: The sudden kind we feel for what we take; and the larger kind we feel for what we give.” ~ E. A. Robinson
I’ve been trying to resolve the difference between passion and obsession. There’s something exciting about doing what I love (in my case writing) until I drop off to sleep at night and then waking up the next day and getting right back into it while still in my bathrobe. But what about breakfast? My meditation practice? What about relationships and social interactions?
I’ve always been drawn to solitude. When I first read the following statement by author Christina Nealson years ago, it became a favorite quote and a goal: I must have days, lots of them where nothing is planned, where the rhythm is set free to improvise a beat that suits the soul.
Growing up as one of nine children, raising two sons, and then providing foster care for an individual with disabilities for the last 8 years, I’ve always had lots of interactive activity around me, as well as a built in structure to my days. Now that my sons are grown, and I’m only “working for pay” a couple of weekends a month, I’m getting my dream come true: time to myself. It’s mostly a good thing, but it also seems that the more time I get to myself, the more time I want, and if I allow my “nutty professor tendencies” to go to extremes, solitude becomes isolation.
From what I can tell, what passion and obsession have in common is that with both you “lose yourself” in them. According to the teachings of my mediation practice, losing one’s “self” is a good thing in a similar way that giving is ultimately more rewarding than receiving. In my own experience, I know that when I drop down into a deeper state of consciousness during meditation, I lose my sense of self, which results in a tangible feeling of peace.
But too much of a good thing can be a bad thing, and losing oneself in solitude can also be viewed as being selfishly “self-absorbed. Writing is a solitary and sedentary activity. When overdone, the isolation it creates can become a breeding ground for insecurity.
“When you lose yourself at the expense of others, I think that’s when passion becomes an obsession” was how one of my Satsang friends put it when I raised the question at recent evening Satsang.
When I find myself getting bogged down with the world that exists in my mind, sometimes going for a walk or working in the garden can bring me back into balance. Other times, something more is called for.
Because interactions with others are not built into my life anymore, I find that I have to choose to make them happen, and now that I have the luxury to discover more of who I really am, here’s what I’m learning:
I’m not a leader or a follower. I’m a party of one. But just as a socially outgoing person still needs time alone, so does a loner need other people. When I nudge myself to do what is out of character for me, I benefit from it more than anyone else. Making soup to bring to a friend who just had a tooth pulled, picking flowers for a new neighbor, picking up the phone and making the call I’ve been putting off to see how someone is are all activities that make me feel better because the best remedy for what ever ails you is to do something for someone else. We’re wired that way…for human contact…and to serve each other.
What a master plan.
March 27th, 2006 9:49 am
My mom is going through something like this, as a matter of fact, she just wrote to me about the same issue of “solitude vs. isolation.” Michele sent me, I really enjoyed this.
March 27th, 2006 11:38 am
I love this post. In many ways we seem to be similar. I too am enjoying my quiet times now that my children are grown. I too tend to need to remind myself to interact with others. And I am always glad when I do. I am thinking that the answer is to find a balance.. a work in progress and my master plan.
March 27th, 2006 12:05 pm
Hi
I’m at your site and leaving a comment.
March 27th, 2006 12:55 pm
A master plan and a master post today from a master writer who got that way because of her passion, which pretty much sums it up for me. I’ve found though that even when this kind of debate is settled for ourselves, it is those around us who seem to worry that we’re obsessed. If it weren’t for that fact (a fact in my case), I could care less how this 64,000 dollar question of passion vs. obsession is answered.
I have to admit though, that I HAVE asked myself the same question over the years. And Chrissie (where’s your comment Chris) too has asked it. Just recently she and I discussed the same thing about her cross-sticking.
I like how your Satsang friend helped you to resolve this. The way I resolve it, for the most part, is to try not to worry too much about it.
When I hook my rugs* I DO get lost in the process of this waking meditation – it keeps me in the present. Not a bad place to be.
* look, I just posted a picture of one of my rugs.
March 27th, 2006 2:17 pm
Hi Kath, I think you still have more built activities to divert your passions…like work, retired husband, grandkids etc. I’m at a place where I don’t have hardly any and so I’m seeing that I can go overboard with my passions when left alone with them.
March 27th, 2006 2:48 pm
I know exactly what you mean. I can’t believe how much I have changed going from career woman to SAHW out in the country with the pets and horses and the birds. I can’t believe how much quiet, alone time I crave now when I never even really had it before. I love walks through the woods and just taking everything in.
I tend to really get lost working on my photographs too. Martin will have to come peep around the corner, letting me know he’s hungry and it is way past dinner time.
Had to take a break today to come online and see how I did on the quiz! I am happy…I did pretty well.
March 27th, 2006 3:08 pm
Well yeah…that is true.
March 27th, 2006 3:31 pm
Two thoughts: The first is that the bog of my bog-down is rising fast! I have less time to myself now than ever before. Yet, I’m still fairly productive doing things that one would assume are done during one’s spare time. The second is that for the last 300 years or so, we’ve had it pounded into our heads that the human condition is one of selfishness and that we need some sort of superimposition of order from governments or elites to keep us from a depraved existence. The fact is that basic human nature is compassionate and sympathetic and that we thrive on social activity and community.
March 27th, 2006 4:27 pm
Talking with a colleague about retirement today (she is a long way from it) and how she would be afraid that she would just withdraw into her activities and forget she needs to interact with people. I told her that I was concerned about the same thing with me. I like people, but I am perfectly happy to be all alone working on something creative.
March 27th, 2006 11:26 pm
Perhaps we have phases of life. Sometimes a social person, fond of the company found in groups. Maybe isolation and solitude is forced upon us or at least partially so by circumstances and at first it hurts. But then it becomes normal and another phase of life begins. Whether social or a loner, one always feels the best when giving something of oneself to someone else. Sometimes the giver receives more than he gives, even if no one else knows of the gift, even the recipient.
March 28th, 2006 1:20 am
You put it so wonderfully in words. I have to choose interactions to happen too. I love to have time to myself and I could perfectly spend the day like that. But maybe because I know at the end of the day I have 2 people around to talk to.
March 28th, 2006 2:59 pm
You will not go far wrong while you have such a beautiful meditation practice. (I am planning to start a blog, and in looking around for inspiration I came across your Loose Leafs. I hope you don’t mind me butting in with a comment all the way from England.)
March 28th, 2006 3:14 pm
Hi Mark, I hope you’ll come back and leave your blog address link next time. Good luck!
March 28th, 2006 11:37 pm
In my experience, passion is the undercurrent that runs through me always. Obsession (in this context) is passion’s most heightened manifestation. When I’m “in the zone” with my writing it’s like the Red Shoes — no food, no sleep, sheer bliss — and I must balance that out if I don’t want to eventually crash. So I have various & sundry activities built in. (As Mary once put it, “I can tell you’re having book thoughts. Daisy’s the one reading the newspaper.” Daisy is our cat.)
March 28th, 2006 11:50 pm
Well said, Elissa.