For Mother’s Day
The following was originally a WVTF radio essay. It appeared in The Floyd Press yesterday, May 10th, titled “It’s Never Too Late to Get to Know Your Mother,” and on Loose Leaf last year with more photos, the uncut text, and a link to a story about writing and recording it HERE.
Last December a co-worker came to our home on the Blue Ridge Parkway bearing a festive basket of Christmas fruit. Our tree was up and Christmas lights hung from the windows. Upon stepping through the door, she glanced around once before settling her eyes on the white-painted bookcase where a collection of framed photographs was displayed.
“Who’s that beautiful woman?!” she gasped. Picking up a photo of my mother as a young woman, she said, “She looks likes a movie star. Is it Natalie Wood?”
The image my friend held in her hand was similar to one in my mother’s high school yearbook, which my siblings and I leafed through as children while giggling at the “old fashioned” graduating class of 1944. And when we found the boy my mother had a crush on whose name was Jake, someone, although no one ever confessed to it, wrote “Jake the Snake” next to his picture in loyalty to our father.
My mother, Barbara, the oldest of three children, came from a family of divorce, which was uncommon during the time she grew up. She was raised by her father in a repressed German Lutheran home in Squantum, Massachusetts, and from an early age she carried a heavy weight of responsibility, which became a theme in her life. First, as the hardworking eldest child in her father’s home, and then as the mother of nine children and the wife of a man who struggled with alcoholism for most of their married life.
My mother was the physical center from which everything happened in our family. To use her own manner of speaking, she “doesn’t miss a trick.” Although it wasn’t easy as a child to get one-on-one time with my mother, when I look at an elementary school picture of myself, I see now that it was her hands that buttoned up my dress, brushed my hair, and hung a string of pearls around my neck so that I would feel special for school picture day. And she cared for each of us that way.
The trait I admire most about my mother is that she continues to learn and can admit her own past mistakes. I also admire what she does for others, such as driving my uncle Vinnie back and forth to his cancer treatments years ago, planting flowers in other people’s gardens to cheer them up, and taking care of her last two grandsons so my sister could go back to work. It was because of the bond forged with her youngest grandsons that she was able to express regret for some missed opportunities of quality time spent with her own children when they were young, probably because there were so many of us.
This year my mother turned 80. She’s still a stunningly beautiful woman, even though when I asked her why she doesn’t go to the beach, 4 houses down from her house, she told me she won’t put on a bathing suit because, “Who wants to look at these old legs?”
Now that my own children are grown, I have more time to spend with my mother. She likes to travel and in the past few years we’ve taken short trips together, short because she hasn’t wanted to leave my dad home alone for too long. This past summer, my sister, my mother, and I drove to New Hampshire to visit an aunt. It was then, while driving through New Hampshire’s White Mountains that I was surprised to find out that my mother had been skiing before. “I’ll try anything once,” I remember her saying.
Four months after our New Hampshire trip and two months before my parent’s 60th wedding anniversary, my father died unexpectedly. We were all heartbroken, and our grief was complicated by the previous loss of two of my brothers, just 4 years before.
It was hard to imagine my mother without my father, but as the months passed by; her new life began to emerge. In the midst of loneliness, she carries on, and after caring for others all her life, her time now is her own.
I recently called her to see how she was. Her news was exciting. After reporting that she now knows how to use the TV remote, VCR, and copy machine, all things that my father wouldn’t allow anyone to touch, I learned that has a new kitten, is planning a trip south with girlfriends, and to attend my youngest son’s wedding here in Virginia in July. I was most surprised to find out that she’s thinking about getting a computer. I didn’t know my mother cared for cats or was interested in learning to use a computer.
I told her I loved her and hung up the phone, knowing that her “try anything once” attitude was seeing her through. I smiled as I relished the thought that it’s never too late to get to know my mother better and to learn something new about her.
May 11th, 2007 9:14 am
Happy Mother’s Day to you this Sunday too Colleen! Your mom really did favor Natalie Wood a whole lot. How funny is her legs at the beach comment?
May 11th, 2007 9:45 am
Maybe she will start a blog and you can learn more about her through her daily posts – wouldn’t that be awesome? I am glad you still have your mother, glad that she is healthy and able to live her own life now that she is past the ‘caring for others’ stage.
May 11th, 2007 9:58 am
I wrote this a little over a year ago and she hasn’t gotten the computer yet and the interest in learnng how to use one has waned. She wanted to be on our family email lovelink. Sometimes I call her and tell her something, saying “I wanted you to hear this first before it got on the link” because she likes to be in the loop. But when it comes to computers, my mother would rather be in the garden, which is funny because when we were all growing up she didn’t even have one houseplant. Now her yard is one that stops traffic.
May 11th, 2007 2:28 pm
Oh how precious your mum sounds……. oh how lucky you are to be blessed with this precious mother……. do ya think she might like to adopt me? lol
x
May 11th, 2007 4:57 pm
That was so wonderful to read! I even got a bit choked up! She sounds like a phenomenal woman, and good for her for staying active!
Happy Mother’s day to you too! and Hi from Micheles…
May 11th, 2007 5:00 pm
I remember reading this last year; a good tribute to your mom. I hope you’ll let her read it too.
May 11th, 2007 6:06 pm
oh thank u
May 11th, 2007 7:31 pm
Hi Colleen! I grew up in Patrick County and went to High School with Delane and Deana (Mayberry and Friday Night Fish Fry). I have read your site several times and thoroughly enjoyed it. Love Floyd, too. Stop by anytime, even though you are over the whole small child thing. You are a wonderful writer.
May 12th, 2007 12:28 am
That was a wonderful post. People, and their pictures, were so classy in our parents’ time. I wonder what our photo legacy will be. I have several shoe boxes to clean out, for sure!
May 13th, 2007 4:24 am
It is obvious from this writing that your mother is a remarkable woman! I think it is great that she has all these “new” things in her life, or about to be….What a wonderful spirit….! And your post about her is a Beautiful Tribute Colleen…
A Very Very Happy Mothers Day To You, My Dear….!
May 13th, 2007 7:29 pm
Very sweet tribute! 🙂 Your mom sounds like a go-getter.
Susan
May 13th, 2007 8:51 pm
She is a gorgeous babe for sure! I’m glad you now have more quality time with her. It is never too late for a lot of things, My mom turns 86 this week. I’m so glad I’ve had her for so long.
August 17th, 2016 9:40 pm
[…] a lot. If she hadn’t ascended herself, she would be 103 today.” My mom was 91. HERE is a radio essay I wrote about her in […]
August 24th, 2016 8:36 pm
[…] and dear friends at the after-funeral meal at Barefoot Bobs, Nantasket Beach. My mom was 91. HERE is a radio essay I wrote about her in 2007. / Thirteen […]